Seatbacks and Traytables Up. Trade one town for another.

So it’s the night before I leave… well actually I leave in 5.5 hours for my first flight, and eventually (hopefully) I’ll make it to Japan.

My alarm is set for 2:45 and Ashley, Jenn, and Matt are sleeping. They’re going to the airport with me and I’m really glad that they get to see me off.

So everything pack and ready, organized which is surprising for me. I’m really happy that I got to see everyone before I left. It’s all fallen into place.

I’m ready to go. I’m not afraid or nervous. I’m ready. I know this is going to be a great experience.

So just saying I won’t have internet for a bit, which is namely an unspecified amount of time. Unless there’s some sort of unmonitored internet source in Japan. (just imagine me wandering the streets looking for a network when you think your internet is slow)

I’m off for now. To all of those that a yet to go, Have a safe trip

Unicorn Lamp

I know, I know 3 posts on the night I create the blog. However I want you (the only person reading this blog) to get to know me.

This is an email I sent a few friends awhile ago. It’s the definition of a word I, more of less, coined and commonly use.   (I apologize for the length, but remember someone actually read this. OR opened their mail box deleted it and then told me that they loved it… So the reviews are in and it’s amazing)

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• Unicorn Lamp (noun)

1) A lamp consisting of or depicting a unicorn.

2) The worst gift you have ever received

3) Any gift given to you that you’ve attempted to get rid of, but are consistently ask about it by the giver.

(note: the “Unicorn Lamp” can be anything from an ugly sweater to tacky home décor or anything else, as long as it is unarguably an awful gift)

Scenario:

“Oh, Clarence! You shouldn’t have!”

It’s your birthday and you’re opening gifts. You didn’t plan this party, but the damned company registry has your birthday in the file and you’ve made to make a mental note to fake medical documents at your next job. No you’re far past the age where you plan a birthday party, you didn’t send out “It’s going to be a bash” invitations, and tried your best to avoid making eye-contact with anyone you might have once discussed birthdays with during a round of small talk. It’s not completely awful some of the people you work with are good people and you’ve invited a couple of them to your house for a barbeque or your annual Christmas party. Even though you’ve invited them over and allowed your spouse to drink in front of them, it wasn’t necessary for them to know your age or for them to get you gifts.

This is day however, will signal a moment in the future when you can no longer send out an email to everyone letting them know that you are having people over for some fun and grilled beef; for you have just opened the “unicorn lamp”. And again you say.

“Oh, Clarence! You really shouldn’t have!” With all the fake joy in your voice you can manage, because you have just unwrapped a literal unicorn lamp. A galloping, majestic stead with a single horn cantering its way to a downward spiral of home décor.

Clarence will say “Isn’t that the most amazing thing! I saw it and thought it was beautiful.”

You tell her “It certainly is something.” Everyone in the office, except Clarence, can see right through your lie, but they feel so bad for you that they just smile and sit awkwardly for what will feel like hours of Clarence staring at you, until someone says “Here open mine next.”

Clarence was a good friend of yours. You probably saw her out of the office more than you saw most people. So when you invite her over some weeks later for dinner she walks in, knows where to put her bag and coat, walks to kitchen, looks around your house, and fatefully asks “Oh where is that delightful lamp that I got you for your birthday? It was just the darndest thing.”

You reply “Oh that…” hoping that she forgot, because you had surely tried to repress the memory. “…it broke. So we put it in the attic.” You think telling her that it broke will stop the conversation, and you hoping telling her that you kept it leads her to think that you cherished the gift. Cherished like Nemo, the fish, who we all knew was more work then anyone really wanted to put into a fish that didn’t swim that well.

You would think that the conversation would have ended with the tale of the broken lamp, but you’re going to the attic. Clarence lucky kept the receipt and can surely exchange it at the store at which it was bought, the store being hell and the receipt being a scroll written in lamb’s blood. So as the two of you climb up to the attic to find the broken unicorn lamp, you amazingly find the lamp unopened completely unbroken –it’s a uni-miracle.

This is the end of you and Clarence. Not because Clarence is angry that you lied about the lamp, no you mush have just plugged it in wrong. How could anyone hate this lamp? So as she plugs the lamp in on the table in your foyer and you eventually say your “good-byes,” this is the last time you will be seeing Clarence in your home and you know it. As soon as she’s out of visible range, you rip the imposing, unicorn beast from the wall and raise it above your head. In a fit of rage you hurl the creature of childhood delight to the hardwood floor and take sick pleasure in watching its luminous head detach from its crystal-frosted body in the likes of a ceramic A-bomb.

The lamp could never have been displayed in your home; it had to be destroyed for that mere threat. And for that matter Clarence can never again be invited over, because she will without a doubt ask “Oooh, Where is that glorious lamp I got you?” If you hadn’t destroyed it, Clarence may have made you display it, and people might begin to think that you personally selected and bought the lamp. It was over for the both of them now.

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I’ve been using the term “unicorn lamp” more often lately. A term I sort of developed when trying to advise people against certain gifts. Often times I come up with a term and then use it in my daily vernacular, then when it’s clear that I haven’t been understood I go into a lengthy explanation (like the one above) describing the term. The “unicorn lamp” can really be anything. Like a potted plant with symbols along the edge that at a distance look like swastikas. It is not uncommon to receive at least one “unicorn lamp” throughout your adult life. When you do receive the gift it is important that if you are not willing to drop the friend or commit to a life of dodgy lies you have to, at that moment, tell them to take it back. Sometimes this isn’t possible, being it homemade or nonreturnable, you may have to bury it in the attic or give it to homeless people. In this case you may have the persistent gift giver who will consistently asks where the “unicorn lamp” is at. Again in this case you may have to do things you once thought were sin, like murder your friend or display some robotic talking animal.

The term “unicorn lamp” is different from your average bad gift, because you’re intended to use it in your everyday life and show it off. Unlike a Star named after you that you can forget about or a box of drugstore chocolates you can use to eat away the feeling of awful friends, the unicorn lamp is like a disease you’ve been trying to ignore but are constantly reminded of by hacking up blood in the morning (I hate unicorns).

So next time you receive that “My other ride is your mom” hat, dangly cat earrings (which scream “I’m going to die alone”), KKK inspired miniature Christmas village, a stripper workout pole or whatever piece of crap your Aunt can find at a retail graveyard, remember that they’re all considered unicorn lamps.

And remember if you are repeatedly receiving unicorn lamp gifts it is because your friends hate you and want nothing more to torture you with cheap shit. You should key their cars and move

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So that’s the whole email. I hope you enjoyed it.

Leaving in 8

So as I write this my Google homepage clock has a big, fat 8 on it. So everytime I refresh my google page I have a constant reminder that I’m leaving very soon.

• Nervousness

I’m not as nervous as I thought I would be. I’m pretty calm, but I’m hardly packed yet so I think I’m doing that subconscious time-creation-denial thing. I do have my random bits of nervousness though. They mostly occur right before I go to bed and involve me having an insane need to know the Japanese word for floor (floor.. furoa). I think I’ll be ok. Since I don’t really take anything too seriously, I’ll probably get to Japan and do what I always do when I’ve got nothing—- Eat a bag of cookies and take a nap.

• Everybody Else

I’m fine with going to Japan. Obviously that’s why I chose it. It’s everybody else that makes getting ready to study abroad difficult. Sure I’ll greatly miss my friends and family, and it’ll be weird not seeing them. BUT if I have to hear one more time:

“I can’t believe you’re going to Japan, How are you going to survive.“

I only have to reply… “Well It is a civilized country. With one of the largest GDPs. I’ll probably just eat and all the other things I do to stay alive in my regular life”

I’ve had people ask me if Japan is like The Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift and tell me that I’m going to get a sweet car the only way I’d be able to get a car in Japan is if I intended to live out of it.

I’m sick of people making it like Japan is a place “Few have dared to Venture” like it’s fucking Venus or something.

“Careful going to Japan I hear there’s a Giant Red Spot that’s like a million storms”
Me:”Nope that’s Jupiter”
“Well there’s all those stairs that change on you”
Me: “That’s Hogwarts”
“And paper beasts that are filled with evil, and the locals leave the children outside to fend it off”
Me: “Are you talking about a pinata. Those are filled with candy”
“Well there’s that Godzilla thing. Watch out for that”
Me *places face in hand in utter disappointment*

So that’s life. My parents are clinging on to every moment they have with me, random people are proving their ignorance, I’m drinking Cheerwine in place of water, I leave in 8 days, and the only thing in my suitcase is the promise that I’ll get around to packing eventually.

Hello there Internet

Where to start….

Hey at least I’m starting, normally I would just wait to the last moment and throw a blog together it’d be some shoddy piece of webspace where I’d tell you about things long after they have happened and then promise you to post more later but then never fulfill that.

So the only difference in the blog that I’m creating right now and the blog I would have created later is the fact that it’s being created now.
So now that I’ve assured you that this will be nothing special, we can move on to me. (wow isn’t technology great I can just talk about me me me)

So my name is Eric. I will be studying abroad in Japan for the 2008-2009 school year. I’m going to Obirin University which is located in Machida Japan. (Google it if you care to find out where it’s at)

The primarly purpose of this blog to document my travels abroad. As well as my daily life.

However
I see no point in only posting about Japan, I will also post about whatever comes to mind. This means that while I’m in Japan, blogging about living in Japan, and doing the general things it takes to stay alive, I will also blog about whatever the hell floats into my mind.